09-30-2014, 09:47 PM
Hi Dale,
First, thanks for the feedback. I didn't intend the poem to be a love poem actually or a religious poem. It's riddled it with contradictions. The first line has a sort of cheesy love poem sort of ring to it but then is countered by a second line stating that she's just another apple in the orchard. I do agree with you that the undiscovered part is melodramatic. But the bees singing is also somewhat of a contradiction. Normally when we think of bees we think of gross buzzing bugs... we think of getting stung. This part may be a little rip off of Hart Crane, "Bees of Paradise." I chose most of the lines deliberately. I didn't just want to make it sound nice. It's more of a character study than anything else but obviously I failed miserably.
First, thanks for the feedback. I didn't intend the poem to be a love poem actually or a religious poem. It's riddled it with contradictions. The first line has a sort of cheesy love poem sort of ring to it but then is countered by a second line stating that she's just another apple in the orchard. I do agree with you that the undiscovered part is melodramatic. But the bees singing is also somewhat of a contradiction. Normally when we think of bees we think of gross buzzing bugs... we think of getting stung. This part may be a little rip off of Hart Crane, "Bees of Paradise." I chose most of the lines deliberately. I didn't just want to make it sound nice. It's more of a character study than anything else but obviously I failed miserably.
Call me Ben