Palaver

[just mercedes]

Hi - I like the way your edit has refined your poem. A slight hitch for me are 'sitting', 'boiling', 'rising' and the sing-song rhythm they set up which stops me from listening. 'I am sitting' is a very passive construction. You don't need the capital O on 'one'. Starting with 'one', those next three lines sound prosey, lacking in poetic flavour. Maybe quote his words, instead of telling me he starts a conversation.

It's worth refining, it's a lovely moment, and contains a lot of sensory impressions that leave me feeling as though I was there with you. Thanks for posting!