09-24-2014, 08:59 AM
"and passes the message a long" . . . a long needs to be closed up so it reads along.
"that peers past facades into the corners" I would take the s out of peers.
I do not understand the last four lines of stanza two.
"and his body sinks in to a sun" close up "in to" so it will be into
Myriads of sprites suck life
from the underbellies of moist deadfall
like farrows crowded beneath
pink mother mounds.
The wind hears the pulse of wooden giants,
and passes the message a long
to leaves, and clouds, and glass
that peers past facades into the corners
of young children's rooms.
Soon teachers will whisper
the hearts out of dirt,
and grass, and children
will forget the wind's words.
A coon succumbs to duality,
but on the way up
his soul gets snagged on a plastic bag,
and his body sinks in to a sun
bleached beer can some one didn't think to throw away.
"that peers past facades into the corners" I would take the s out of peers.
I do not understand the last four lines of stanza two.
"and his body sinks in to a sun" close up "in to" so it will be into
Myriads of sprites suck life
from the underbellies of moist deadfall
like farrows crowded beneath
pink mother mounds.
The wind hears the pulse of wooden giants,
and passes the message a long
to leaves, and clouds, and glass
that peers past facades into the corners
of young children's rooms.
Soon teachers will whisper
the hearts out of dirt,
and grass, and children
will forget the wind's words.
A coon succumbs to duality,
but on the way up
his soul gets snagged on a plastic bag,
and his body sinks in to a sun
bleached beer can some one didn't think to throw away.