Abandoned Animism

[Todd]

Hi makeshift, this one was interesting enough to draw me in. Some comments for you:

Myriads of sprites suck life
from the underbellies of moist deadfall
like farrows crowded beneath 
pink mother mounds.

Myriads of didn't feel like a strong lead in to me. While I like some of the phrasing you have I think the poem could potentially lose all of S1. S2 L1 feels like a more evocative opening.

The wind hears the pulse of wooden giants,
and passes the message a long-- typo: along but I would cut the word actually
to leaves, and clouds, and glass
that peers past facades into the corners--consider cutting past facades. It feels like it weighs the line down without adding much.
of young children's rooms.--normally I like to slice most redundancies, but I like young here.
Soon teachers will whisper
the hearts out of dirt,
and grass, and children
will forget the wind's words.--best 4 lines in the poem. It is a poem within the poem and in my opinion could stand alone.

A coon succumbs to duality,
but on the way up
his soul gets snagged on a plastic bag,
and his body sinks in to a sun--into and I love the line break
bleached beer can some one didn't think to throw away.--someone

The last strophe is just quirky and fun to read. I love the idea of trash interfering with the transmigration of the soul.

Creative piece. I hope the comments help some.

Best,

Todd