"Hero"

[ellajam]

Hello, I try to make my poem clearer, so i add more lines to make sure that reader will get more ideas. However, I feel that my first one is somewhat better, so would you mind to take a look at my draft? When I get a grip for idea, I will finish it and have a grammar check with my friend, since i don't want to keep bugging him. ^ ^)"

PS. I don't really want to be specific about where it take place. After all, I may not truly understand the situation, but from what i learn from local and news, this should be general idea for what going on.

"Hero"

We hail to our Hero!
We sing, we praise, and we fight for him!
For the sake of children, for the sake of tomorrow…
Our heart is given, to the glorious one.

It is not the vote that we give, but it is our trust!
Our hands covered in blood! Our bodies fall to the ground!
We dream about hope, yet wake up in a darker day…
What a fool we are… to fight for nothing.

Back in the past, our lives are tough.
We work like mule… yet starved at night…
Somehow we smile, we laugh, and we survive…
With neighbor to share… there is no complain…

Now hero came! Declare for change!
We follow him in trust and faith!
With gun in hand, we claim “righteous”!
Who block our path must not be live!

Our neighbor fall… the sense take place…
This is the change to rage and chaos!
Such a sin we’ve committed… this regret which we’ve born…
All this for glorious one… who don't give a damn.

Hi again. I'll be back to comment when I've had a chance to read your edit, but if you do some reading in the workshops you'll see that the preferred way to post an edit is to hit the "Edit" button on your original post, label your first draft as original, then place your new version above it. This method places your current version first so that new readers critique the correct one.

A grammar checker is a bit of software that underlines incorrect grammar and gives you suggestions. It is available in most word processors although it may need to be turned on. Google and download or check your settings.
Mine has underlined the suggestions I gave you. Oops.