Star-Crossed Lovers

[tectak]

His lips upon mine,cc
Like a hot summer night,cc
Making lovec
In the pale moonlight,cccccc
His eyes staring into mine,cc
As the stars shine brightcccccccccc
Reflecting in our eyes,
He had asked for one last dancecc
Before the night came to an end,
Ending up
In the truck bed,
With kisses sending sparks
Flashing across our little sky,
Making two star crossed loverscccc
Falling in lovecccccccccc
In the dead of the night...cccccccccccccccc

Modern Romeo and Juliet

-CM-

It needs work so any advice would be awesome!

Hello cameron,
You choose a difficult subject...much has been written on the theme and so you will find it difficult to avoid cliche...but even so, you have exceeded the cliche per line count with almost fanatical zeal. First suggestion is to look very carefully at each place where I have put a little "c" (or "c's" to express strength of cliche!) and eliminate by ommission or by rephrasing.
Best of luck. You are treading a well worn path.
Best,
tectak