09-02-2014, 07:08 PM
hi zahrakh
the poem falls down almost immediately. the second line's question is very weak. what magical dimension/what are you doing there? at first i thought it was going to be about the actual swan lake them. most of the line's words hold nothing but imponderables.
a suggestion is to think what you'd like to write and do so in a non poetic way. once you have that down start adding a few poetic devices like assonance, alliteration, consonance, simile or metaphor here
the poem falls down almost immediately. the second line's question is very weak. what magical dimension/what are you doing there? at first i thought it was going to be about the actual swan lake them. most of the line's words hold nothing but imponderables.
a suggestion is to think what you'd like to write and do so in a non poetic way. once you have that down start adding a few poetic devices like assonance, alliteration, consonance, simile or metaphor here
(09-02-2014, 05:53 PM)zahrakh Wrote: O Swan of this enchanted lake
Let me wander inside this magical
dimension
If melancholy causes the charm to
break
With your melodies, I beg thee, heal
this pattern
By this lake tendrils twirling
Humming with an exuberant fashion
One with the amity in your songs
flowing
O Swan let me stay in this blissful
unison
On paths that tomorrow I shall take
Towards a long craved for
destination
I will brace my heart, should my
faith shake
Reliving the moments spent by this
tranquil lake