Of The Untitled

[milo]

I
tried to forget everything
I ever heard.
Each word.

Suddenly
I heard a strange murmur
rattling around within,
without constraint.

The growl
terrified me momentarily-
The sudden lack of
something familiar.

Quickly
carefully constructed
blueprints of life became
imperfect recitals of thought left untitled.

For me, one word lines /rarely/ work and this poem isn't going to meet the rarely. A line with a simple "I" just can't hold up. Words like "suddenly" should probably never appear in poetry except possibly as satire. "Sudden" also makes a show just a few lines later.

"momentarily" - also, just doesn't add anything because it is a context-dependent word.

Quickly - carefully - more of the same and for the same reasons. Just reading through briefly it is off-putting how much modification is going on. modification almost always makes language weaker. in poetry, it is best not to use it unless it is pointing to a metaphor or symbolism.

Just stripping it of the essentials would yield:

I
tried to forget everything
.


I heard a murmur
rattling around within,
.

The growl
terrified me-
The lack of
something familiar.


carefully constructed
blueprints of life became
recitals of thought left untitled.

from there, you might have something to work with.

Good luck.