08-27-2014, 04:09 PM
I like like like where you are going with the revision. You know, the title is what struck me, and I think you could do a tiny bit more on the double meaning of red tide....Gimme some algae when you talk of the steamships, perhaps.
Still don't know why you are evaporating/what "whole" is left behind.
I like the sound of that last line when read aloud, but yeah, no clue unless that's the algae reference and I'm missing it, since small organisms like that aren't exactly whole- well strike that...no organism or person, etc is usually whole after evaporating. I might lean the way of
evaporating into (fill in the blanks),
finally something whole.
It's very difficult to end on an abstract when you've given us many good images along the way to hold on. Seems like we just slipped off the edge.
Love it though.
mel.
Still don't know why you are evaporating/what "whole" is left behind.
I like the sound of that last line when read aloud, but yeah, no clue unless that's the algae reference and I'm missing it, since small organisms like that aren't exactly whole- well strike that...no organism or person, etc is usually whole after evaporating. I might lean the way of
evaporating into (fill in the blanks),
finally something whole.
It's very difficult to end on an abstract when you've given us many good images along the way to hold on. Seems like we just slipped off the edge.
Love it though.
mel.