Playing with Jung

[cjchaffin]

In dream-like states where thoughts emerge
from unconscious whim, we carve stone woah. this is too much for me here. it seems like your trying to say something that could've been said a little more easily in a massively complicated way.. like a huge elephant picking up a single peanut if you catch my drift.
sculptures on opposite garden ends –

mine is a goat with webbed feet,
Carl’s is a duck with horns;
this is a meaningful coincidence. I feel like this line takes away from the reading experience; this coincidence is most likely already noted by the reader..no need to ruin the fun by stating it like this.

Later, we play in the sand
with our wise inner figures.
He dances while I draw hearts.

I know this is in the miscellaneous thread, but I left you a small critique out of habit. Hope you don't mind.

no worries, a.j. i'm always happen to entertain ideas and suggestions for improvement. with this piece, though, i think if you're not familiar with Jungian psychology and archetypes, there are elements of the poem that just won't make a lot of sense. hence the reason why i posted it in misc poetry...but still, i'm grateful that you even took the time to read and to offer feedback, that means a lot to me.

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I really enjoy the surrealism here, especially in the second strophe -- but each time I come back to it, I find that I wish there were colours.

ha! you know, i thought about making my goat purple with pink polka dots and Carl's duck pink with purple polka dots, but ultimately decided against it.

i don't know where else i would plug color into the equation. ideas??