infinitesimal (1st draft) please comment.

[ellajam]

Yes john that is exactly what my poem was intended to depict. Yes and your point on the "insignificant" line is also true, what work would you best describe the sense of being part of the universe?

Yes I agree I try to tell the poem instead of showing and letting the reader interpret. I will research help on the Internet and with yours and everyone else's help create a second draft. Cheers!!

Hi, KJ, there's quite a bit of help right here on the site. On the home page there's a link on the right to Colin Ward's Poetry Tips, amusing and very helpful, he talks about the show vs tell, too. If you read the important threads at the top of each forum, there are poetry tips there and in the Practice Forum.

I've learned a lot here from reading the posted poems and the critiques, they point out what works and what doesn't for each poem. Have fun.