To the Dancer

[John Galt]

Because your body hasn’t felt right in months,
you lie on a table and flinch the needles poke your skin.

I think you may have left out a word in line 2.
I like the thought coming through of the acupuncture procedure.

Remembering,
how the fern towards the radio,
dresses in the summer,
a car parked at the roadside,
and someone listening to someone breathing.

The above is too abstract for me, are they just random thoughts that the "needled person" is thinking whilst having treatment,? if so what is their purpose (in moving the poem forward) for the reader.?
*
I follow you into the house,
where you unsnap your dress
and stand at the dresser
as a drop of light spills out from a black cloud.

The progression from verse 2 to verse 3 is not clear to me, I see you have a star dividing them so realise it may be intentional, but cannot see (if that is the case) why.
I like "unsnap" rather than "unbutton" I can almost here the "pop."
I think you get away with the "light spilling through the cloud in the context you have used it, I wonder if the light is also a metaphor for the woman, if so I thought the image being reflected from the "dresser" mirror might work..

I will tell you not to move.
I will teach you about stillness.

I remember strolling at dusk
through southwest London,
staring into the faces of the whores,
who sat in doorways smoking.
when I bumped into a woman,
who would not understand this poem
even if I read it to her.

Punctuation in the above verse could be better.
The last line is superfluous as the line above it tells me the same thing.


She ran her hands over my hips,
and dreamt of being reborn
a blackberry bush
who pricked the hands
of those who touched her.

*

I was young when I left home.
I thought that I had plenty of time.
So I sat with my feet in the Atlantic Ocean, looking east.

You wore black that winter.
You could have been anyone.
You could have been snow falling through the arms of a tree.
You could be everything I have.

I like the spareness of the last 2 verses, the snow falling through that "winter" tree is a strong image.

Overall, a feeling of disjointedness is prevalent...JG