08-16-2014, 07:30 AM
"Payment" in the second line sounds off. Two words with long vowel sounds really extends this line to make it linger too much.
The last two lines would likely work better if they were of equal syllables. The way the lines currently working is the next to last line goes on just long enough to be noticed it's longer than the last line.
The last two lines would likely work better if they were of equal syllables. The way the lines currently working is the next to last line goes on just long enough to be noticed it's longer than the last line.