08-07-2014, 09:30 AM
It may still need some work, but I think I've spent enough time away from it to run it through workshop it again. Tetrameter accredited to milo.
Ins and Outs of Dead Men on the Rivers of Isis
First revision:
We wrap the bones in burlap - hide
our skeletons in sweat and blood
under the dust of our outsides.
Our heartbeat's thump is locked inside
a storage unit with the crud.
We wrap the bones in burlap hide.
We box old limbs in chests beside
a book we never understood.
Under the dust of our outsides
the rain exposes veins in slides
of rock, canyons, boneyards, mud.
We wrap the bones in burlap, hide
ourselves in weathered pelts applied
to vessels stoppered for the flood.
Under the dust of our outsides
the dead man dies again inside -
his phallus is a lifeless stud.
We wrap his bones in burlap, hide
under the dust of our outsides.
ORIGINAL
We wrap the bones in burlap - hide
our skeletons in sweat and blood
under the dust of our outsides.
Our heartbeat's thump is locked inside*
a storage unit with the crud.
We wrap the bones in burlap hide.
Our irises contract when eyed
gardenias drown and envies bud
under the dust of our outsides.
The rain exposes veins in slides
of rock, canyons, boneyards, mud.
We wrap the bones in burlap, hide
ourselves in weathered pelt applied
to vessels stoppered for the flood.
Under the dust of our outsides
the dead man dies again inside
a sack aboard a skiff, and scuds.
We wrap his bones in burlap, hide
under the dust of our outsides.
*first edit inline (from milo)
Ins and Outs of Dead Men on the Rivers of Isis
First revision:
We wrap the bones in burlap - hide
our skeletons in sweat and blood
under the dust of our outsides.
Our heartbeat's thump is locked inside
a storage unit with the crud.
We wrap the bones in burlap hide.
We box old limbs in chests beside
a book we never understood.
Under the dust of our outsides
the rain exposes veins in slides
of rock, canyons, boneyards, mud.
We wrap the bones in burlap, hide
ourselves in weathered pelts applied
to vessels stoppered for the flood.
Under the dust of our outsides
the dead man dies again inside -
his phallus is a lifeless stud.
We wrap his bones in burlap, hide
under the dust of our outsides.
ORIGINAL
We wrap the bones in burlap - hide
our skeletons in sweat and blood
under the dust of our outsides.
Our heartbeat's thump is locked inside*
a storage unit with the crud.
We wrap the bones in burlap hide.
Our irises contract when eyed
gardenias drown and envies bud
under the dust of our outsides.
The rain exposes veins in slides
of rock, canyons, boneyards, mud.
We wrap the bones in burlap, hide
ourselves in weathered pelt applied
to vessels stoppered for the flood.
Under the dust of our outsides
the dead man dies again inside
a sack aboard a skiff, and scuds.
We wrap his bones in burlap, hide
under the dust of our outsides.
*first edit inline (from milo)