The Elder's Prayer (first edit)

[Bunx]

Growing up in Montana this brings alot of images from my childhood back to me. Going to Indian Days in Browning for instance. Here are some actual comments I have on your poem. Thanks alot for the post.

Not really sure where to go with this.

The Elder's Prayer

The jingle-dress dancers stood on their toes,
waiting to hear him speak. Good imagery, lots of action right from the start


When he did, it sounded of mumbling
and rumbling, at once;
like an auctioneer with one last feather to sell. awesome description

A hawk watched over it all, circling devoutly,
making sure there was no sniggering
amongst the children. Great imagery and symbolism. Are you alluding to the elders ancestors watching over the gathering?

When the Elder finished,
some of us applauded;
nervously forgetting
the Chippewa word for respect.

But it was not the same as sniggering,
and the hawk was gone.

***

Quickly,
drums made thunder at the ends of red fists-
and I could hardly swallow
when the first voices ripped the sky.

No one sings like that.
(not for a strictly human audience, anyway) Not sure if this is necessary in poem. Gives the narrator a voice that i wasn't aware of earlier in the poem

The dancers entered, spilling paint
on a stretch of grassy stage-
and not a neutral eggshell white,
but turquoise and blood- in high gloss.

Brightest of all were the jingle-dress dancers-
they had learned the drums in their femurs,
and the singing never passed through them.

They carried the Elder’s prayer in their hips,
and answered it for us. [/b]

Not sure where you were going thematically with the poem. At first I thought it was symbolic of the respect but death of native languages. Then I thought it was about tradition in dance and respect for one culture. I think if you do a little work on this poem it could come out a little bit more defined as far as what your trying to relay to the reader. Overall likes the poem and imagery! Thanks alot for the post!