07-29-2014, 08:21 PM
Hi, Dupuis, welcome.
The edit helped me out. I don't think I would miss "in all its continuity", the next line says it for me. The "of unease" still makes me uneasy. I think I would prefer a different final word that is less wishy-washy.
Your poem, glad to have you here, IMO fun is the best way to come at it.
The edit helped me out. I don't think I would miss "in all its continuity", the next line says it for me. The "of unease" still makes me uneasy. I think I would prefer a different final word that is less wishy-washy.
Your poem, glad to have you here, IMO fun is the best way to come at it.
(07-29-2014, 03:53 AM)Dupuis Wrote: Calm, in all its continuity,
threaded delicately through time,
flickering past and present
___but threatening to tighten
at the imminent jolt of
__________________unease
Original:
calm in all its continuity
a loose thread through time
not taut
so easily slackens into
flickering shapes of
_____________unease
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