If I Awake to Flames After I Die

[billy]

good effort, sadly punctuation isn't my forte. one of the rhymes could be better, all in all it's a solid effort. nothing stand out and jabs the reader in the eye though i did think the couplet round off the piece well it read for me as iambic and i saw nothing intrinsically wrong with it apart for the fact it didn't really hold me fast.
keep your eye out for the cliche as well

thanks for the read.

I could especially use help with punctuation!

If I awake to flames after I die
to make eternal payment for my sin,
I will not raise my voice to question why
remembering the man that I had been. i'm assuming when you said it in your head [been] sounded like bin (it's how we say it in parts of the uk)
But cast into oblivion, if He, cliche
the Perfect Judge, should look my way with grace
and offer lovingly to pardon me
if only I would run again life’s race
more faithfully, without conceited pride,
the greed-filled lies, the lust, this time to live:
my passions and my past to set aside…
I know one thing alone I'd never give.
Those moments spent with you I would not sell the first part of the couplet is cliche
to save my soul eternity in hell.