07-21-2014, 09:16 AM
(01-30-2014, 01:41 AM)alatos Wrote: I could especially use help with punctuation!I really like the last 3 lines. I could really 'feel" what was going on, which for me, is important. Maybe break it up into stanzas. I would have the last three lines into its own stanza because for me, it really seals the deal!
If I awake to flames after I die
to make eternal payment for my sin,
I will not raise my voice to question why
remembering the man that I had been.
But cast into oblivion, if He,
the Perfect Judge, should look my way with grace
and offer lovingly to pardon me
if only I would run again life’s race
more faithfully, without conceited pride,
the greed-filled lies, the lust, this time to live:
my passions and my past to set aside…
I know one thing alone I'd never give.
Those moments spent with you I would not sell
to save my soul eternity in hell.

