07-20-2014, 01:22 PM
If I awake to flames after I die
to make eternal payment for my sin,
I will not raise my voice to question why
remembering the man that I had been.
But cast into oblivion, if He,
the Perfect Judge, should look my way with grace
and offer lovingly to pardon me
if only I would run again life’s race
more faithfully, without conceited pride,
the greed-filled lies, the lust, this time to live:
my passions and my past to set aside…
I know one thing alone I'd never give.
Those moments spent with you I would not sell
to save my soul eternity in hell.
I really like the last 2 lines, Line 9 and 11 should start with a cap letter, I'm not sure that L10 needs a colon, I was also trying to keep some separation or stanzas. I also have a bit of a time when reading thru L6
Beyond that, i enjoyed it immensely.
to make eternal payment for my sin,
I will not raise my voice to question why
remembering the man that I had been.
But cast into oblivion, if He,
the Perfect Judge, should look my way with grace
and offer lovingly to pardon me
if only I would run again life’s race
more faithfully, without conceited pride,
the greed-filled lies, the lust, this time to live:
my passions and my past to set aside…
I know one thing alone I'd never give.
Those moments spent with you I would not sell
to save my soul eternity in hell.
I really like the last 2 lines, Line 9 and 11 should start with a cap letter, I'm not sure that L10 needs a colon, I was also trying to keep some separation or stanzas. I also have a bit of a time when reading thru L6
Beyond that, i enjoyed it immensely.