Empire

[gernseeker]

Fatigue sets like KFC grease
on scratched out mice and keyboard canyons
filled with cornflakes and crisp crumbs, the
stray and forgotten soldiers of
previous nights and months.

They sank their body deep
into their swivel chair unswivelling, jeans
impressions etched onto the pillow there, flat like
squished pancakes, doing its best
and yet so little to alleviate the
day/night's wear between the
five minute breaks they take to stretch and
grab another soda for the creation
and expansion of his
can-pyramid empire.

Obsession manifests in not some fire,
but the oddly inconsistent
drone of the laptop's fan,
the machine not quite overheating as they're
not quite meeting the plans quotas dreams
expectations of more hopeful days.
Yet no failure is enough to persuade them
when, with no alternatives, it's
become too late to now give up--
not on hope but slow cooking suicide
like cigarettes smoke drifting
from the patio
between breaks of daylight. "God's
in his heaven." All's
right.

Kris - fantastic. really really good.

As said by others - some tense issues - maybe "he" instead of "they"?

pancakes does ring a little odd - you can find better. The pillows are a failed but still trying support system for his laziness - there's a metaphor there somewhere.

soldiers doesn't feel right - stray and forgotten friends maybe?

maybe "jean-stitching etched onto the ...."

"slow cooked"? instead of slow cooking maybe.

cigarette instead of cigarettes?


Nicely done!