07-15-2014, 02:34 PM
I don't think the imagery or auditory "image?" was clear enough. As others have pointed out, some of the images/sound combinations, i.e. "rattle of chain link fence shudders" rattle and shudder, court crackling, squirm radiantly... they don't give me a clear image of what i'm supposed to be seeing/hearing. Because of that it falls a bit flat for me; I can't connect to it. The beginning doesn't draw me in and I'm not sure what's happening until toward the end.
That said, I love the last stanza. Esp. the line, "Stumble freely down the feeble staircase/ into the evening's sad tranquility"
That said, I love the last stanza. Esp. the line, "Stumble freely down the feeble staircase/ into the evening's sad tranquility"