The Race

[Tiger the Lion]

The Race

His bus lets him off late;
it is deep twilight.
The plants from the neighbors yard
hang over the walkway to his house.
He can see their little mouths
opening and closing,
waiting for a taste of him.
He tightens up his backpack
and runs towards his house.
The next thing he knowsNot sure if you need this line.
he is standing on the front porch.
His mother opens the door
and asks him why he was breathing so hard.asks him why he is...
He shows her his watch and says,
just trying to beat my best time,I like these 2 lines repeated. But why no quotes?
just trying to beat my best time.
He checks his clothes upstairsSomething awkward in these 2 lines
in his room and finds no bites.
He shakes his hand at the plants belowI feel this and the next line would read better inverted.
from his bedroom window
and says “I beat you, ha, I beat you.Close quotes
Until the plants turn to look at him in the window.
He edges away, and slowly gets dress for supper,"dressed"
although he is not very hunger"hungry"
with his heart still in his throat.

–Erthona
©2014

Hey Dale. I like your idea here. Good tone too. Notes above are really just mechanics. Thanks for sharing, - Paul