07-06-2014, 02:48 PM
tomoffing,
Your edit is much better, but as TE points out there are still some improvements to be had. Two of the things that really stuck out at me that TE mentions is the comma after aware, and the use of the word mercilessly. Why would he stare "mercilessly" at you.
Dale
Your edit is much better, but as TE points out there are still some improvements to be had. Two of the things that really stuck out at me that TE mentions is the comma after aware, and the use of the word mercilessly. Why would he stare "mercilessly" at you.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.