06-28-2014, 04:55 PM
In this extended metaphor you anthropomorphize a "Goldfish", but for the metaphor to work it has to be goldfish things that represent human things. You cannot write such things as "from a child's journey of life and death discovery", because the speaker is a goldfish and not a child.
I think the first three stanzas would work better if written in present tense, as it would give it more of a sense of immediacy.
Overall the metaphor fails for two reasons, it does not follow an apprehensible chronology, and it goes beyond what a goldfish is. I do think it is a worthy idea, and should be pursued.
Dale
I think the first three stanzas would work better if written in present tense, as it would give it more of a sense of immediacy.
Overall the metaphor fails for two reasons, it does not follow an apprehensible chronology, and it goes beyond what a goldfish is. I do think it is a worthy idea, and should be pursued.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.