The Bird

[mallaloca]

Hello mallaloca and welcome to the site. I appreciate your message, but while you try to contrast the human and avian perception of borders, you have over anthropomorphized the bird in the poem, thereby diluting your argument. Think about it, from the bird’s eye view or an airborne human for the matter, lands have no borders. Perhaps that should be the most important point and done so in one or two stanzas with less repetition of the theme. See what you think. Good luck with your next edit./Chris

Hello, and thanks for your critique. I will definitely think of your suggestions on my next edit.

Mallaloca

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Hello mallaloca and welcome to the site. I appreciate your message, but while you try to contrast the human and avian perception of borders, you have over anthropomorphized the bird in the poem, thereby diluting your argument. Think about it, from the bird’s eye view or an airborne human for the matter, lands have no borders. Perhaps that should be the most important point and done so in one or two stanzas with less repetition of the theme. See what you think. Good luck with your next edit./Chris

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Hi, I agree with Chris that you could write a shorter poem about borders, but I did enjoy the story of the bird's flight; I think there is a good contrast between the birds flight as serene but knowing, and the last part which just declares. Thanks for posting and welcome as well, Best Loretta

Thanks, Loretta. Thanks for your advice!