Caprice

[thislife]

Hi, and welcome! Your poem deals with comparing life and death, and seems to say that we have a choice in the matter. I suppose a person playing at suicide could make a choice but for most I don't think death waits until we want it to arrive.

Moonlight moves the ocean good image, good sounds
Lights up, circumstantial not sure what is happening here
I want to walk on water
I will walk, I will

I will sink
Darkness hits like a blow? This didn't work for me
I spin around and I don't know
What is up and what is down? Where is?

So this is life
And this is death
At the same time, right now
I have to make a choice somehow the rhyme was unexpected but good

I don't know, I don't, I don't This links back to the first stanza, echoing the form; a neat circularity

Hi! Thank you for your feedback. I don't think people have a choice in death, but they have a choice in life. And sometimes that could be hard to see.

"I spin around and I don't know
What is up and what is down?"

It means one choice you make: to dive down into dark water, would lead to the next, that you don't know if you will live or die, because you don't know what is up and down.

I will have a closer thought to your feedback on "Lights up, circumstantial"
I know what i thought, but i have to think a bit more why it is not working.

Thanks again.