The Chamber

[billy]

hi jimmy.

i thought that adults and kids were usually separated into different vans/camps/gas chambers. in the chambers or showers they would have been exterminated at different times during the holocaust?

who is the "you" that starts the poem, is me or everyone? which might be better as we, thereby making you a part of the poem.

i think you took a really hard concept with the subject matter and as such need to illicit from the reader, revulsion, hatred, sorrow, fear and a connection to what happened.

you have the base for a good poem if you edit wisely.
thanks for the read.

Not sure how I feel about this right now. Could use some help. Thanks


You don't consider the scratches
futile clawing on the walls. would claw marks work better, or [futile incisions] better still?
Floors coated with
chipped fingernails and vomit.why chipped? why not discarded or broken? at this point in the poem you need to hold the reader every line has to be special
Parents vainly protecting children, how do mean [vainly], describe the scene this and the next 3 lines are pure tell with little substance considering the topic of the poem
fearing they'll die first
Herded into death marches
or vans deadlier than drunk driving.drunk driving has no part in the holocaust
Unaware of the internment
that gave a grim chance this line is very weak and possibly unnecessary
they gasp for air,
expediting their death.
Looking for any answers any isn't needed
they see only Prussian blue. this for me is the best line of the poem. i doubt they actually saw the colour physically but mentally it was probably etch on the brains as a colour to hate.