Drifting Away

[FutureProof]

I will first off by saying I am also new to this site and I am not much of a writer but when I can't say what I feel I write it down which brought me here. I may not be well with words and grammar but I understand if they make me feel. Now I will get to your poem.
It got my attention. I enjoyed reading it. I felt like I could relate to your poem which made it easy to read. I feel like I understood what you feeling in this. The feelings of confusion, hopelessness, and acceptance are strong feelings and definitely moved me.
I wish I could give more corrective critique but do not know what I would change, the only error I possibly could detect was "Never to land on one direction" should be "in one direction"
Thank you for a great read, again I could deeply relate you the feelings in this poem and wish you a happy searching. Don't stop

Appreciate the comments! I'm happy to hear that some people can understand the high-level messages that I am trying to convey. I wanted this to be more of a "forest" poem as opposed to a "trees" poem and so thanks for getting that. And may we all find our way!

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I liked this. I'm not sure if the line "Objects in mirror are farther than they appear" is a poetic cliche, but I really liked it and found as though it conveyed everything you were trying to get across here. The life you once knew is still visible and you can almost touch it, but it gets farther away everyday as you continue down the road of life. Really pretty line, really nice poem.

Thank you! I couldn't think of a better way to describe that particular feeling than that line. Glad you liked it.

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Drifting

So many disparate pieces
Once a part of a beautiful puzzle you don't need two a's here, they seem to hurt the rhythm
Floating further and further away this kind of repetition is boring, can you be more further than further?
Each in their own tormented orbits what are they orbiting?
Memories of a past that seems cruelly happy maybe describe the memories and show how they are "cruelly happy" rather than telling us in dull language
Drifting further away
Objects in mirror are farther than they appear wait. Are we in a car or in space? Do cars have orbits?
Nurturing new bonds is my medication
Without these, life would be meaningless
And yet, the pain still lingers
The memories of warmth and joy
A familial bond seemingly untouchable
Broken, shattered, flushed away
Never to return, never to breathe again ok, we get it, your beating a dead horse
Drifting further away i guess this is a refrain, but you've used away twice in three lines. I would edit the prior line
Feelings of being trapped in chains. cliche, and your beating a dead horse. Say what you need to say, make your peace, and move on. Its like you are slowing ripping my eyes out.
The weight is unforgiving
What once seemed so clear has rendered itself hazy
A blindness of the future, a distaste of the present
Like a useless compass, whizzing around in circles
Never to land on one direction
Always searching for the true answer
A cosmic exploration of life's meanings, pains, and more. and more is just wasting space...explain or leave it out.
Forever drifting, further and further away

Im by no means a mediocre poet, but i feel that this poem is missing some of the basics, which i learned only once offering my own poetry up for review.


Grammar is important, and while you managed commas and ellipses, every line doesn't need to be capitalized and the poem as a whole could use a re-edit. I would also think about why you decided to make the poem centered. If you did it to make it look like a poem, i'd suggest moving back to left align so it is easier to read.

Other than that, welcome to the site (i'm new myself) and i was glad to be able to read your poetry.

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Hi, agree with Q, beating a dead horse over and over made it difficult to read; and I think it made you force unwanted and trite words to keep it up. I believe it can be edited and brought together. There are five lines in a row that say the same thing, I think you could say it beautifully in one or two lines; not trying to be rough; I've had the same trouble. Best, Loretta

Appreciate the comments. I think, for me, the five or so lines that convey the same meaning is supposed to be like beating a dead horse. I wish I could describe that particular feeling more briefly, but given my particular circumstance, I felt it appropriate to take some "extra time" in describing my emotions.