06-03-2014, 05:36 AM
Thanks for taking a look at my comments and responding!
I think most people who read poetry tend to find standard, left-aligned poetry to be the most aesthetically pleasing. I see no aesthetic reason to center a poem unless it's concrete poetry - poetry where the shape of the words on the page is really important. One reason that I like looking at left-aligned work is because I feel like that alignment guides me more easily and smoothly through reading. It creates a moment of big emphasis at the end of each line, and a moment of little emphasis at the beginning of each line. Many poets take advantage of that to get readers to focus on important words or ideas. I think this makes it a really useful way to put poetry down on the page, because even when writing free verse, this alignment and this way of treating the ends/beginnings of lines creates a subtle structure that you can take advantage of.
In your explanation of the poem in response to my question, I see a lot of stuff that I can relate to, and that seem like great things to mine for writing poetry. Who hasn't experienced the sting of looking back on a happy childhood memory and feeling like all that joy is gone now? Who hasn't felt uncertain and confused in their twenties? There are a lot of ways to convey these moments and ideas through poetry. You could tell a story. You could show us individual memories, using imagery so we can see how some formative moment of childhood joy is now reflecting badly on the young adult troubles. I kind of wish I could see a different version of this poem that created scenes, or that used imagery and metaphor, to get across these experiences of being young and confused and frustrated. But that's just me ... it's your poem. Ultimately I think a poem like this works when readers can learn something about the speaker of the poem and feel like they care. I think it's possible to write a poem that involves readers given the subject matter you're working with, but it's going to take some practice or revision to make that happen.
Hitting the right balance between your goal of being mysterious and the goal of opening the poem up to readers can be difficult. I'd try it a few ways - maybe in revisions of this poem, or maybe in future poems. Test the waters … see how people respond when the poem incorporates different levels of imagery and metaphor. See how people resound when the poem seems very external (showing everything to the reader) vs when the poem is very internal like this one. It'll take practice, it'll take trial and error. But if you want to reach people besides your future self, that trial and error will be worth it.
I think most people who read poetry tend to find standard, left-aligned poetry to be the most aesthetically pleasing. I see no aesthetic reason to center a poem unless it's concrete poetry - poetry where the shape of the words on the page is really important. One reason that I like looking at left-aligned work is because I feel like that alignment guides me more easily and smoothly through reading. It creates a moment of big emphasis at the end of each line, and a moment of little emphasis at the beginning of each line. Many poets take advantage of that to get readers to focus on important words or ideas. I think this makes it a really useful way to put poetry down on the page, because even when writing free verse, this alignment and this way of treating the ends/beginnings of lines creates a subtle structure that you can take advantage of.
In your explanation of the poem in response to my question, I see a lot of stuff that I can relate to, and that seem like great things to mine for writing poetry. Who hasn't experienced the sting of looking back on a happy childhood memory and feeling like all that joy is gone now? Who hasn't felt uncertain and confused in their twenties? There are a lot of ways to convey these moments and ideas through poetry. You could tell a story. You could show us individual memories, using imagery so we can see how some formative moment of childhood joy is now reflecting badly on the young adult troubles. I kind of wish I could see a different version of this poem that created scenes, or that used imagery and metaphor, to get across these experiences of being young and confused and frustrated. But that's just me ... it's your poem. Ultimately I think a poem like this works when readers can learn something about the speaker of the poem and feel like they care. I think it's possible to write a poem that involves readers given the subject matter you're working with, but it's going to take some practice or revision to make that happen.
Hitting the right balance between your goal of being mysterious and the goal of opening the poem up to readers can be difficult. I'd try it a few ways - maybe in revisions of this poem, or maybe in future poems. Test the waters … see how people respond when the poem incorporates different levels of imagery and metaphor. See how people resound when the poem seems very external (showing everything to the reader) vs when the poem is very internal like this one. It'll take practice, it'll take trial and error. But if you want to reach people besides your future self, that trial and error will be worth it.