06-01-2014, 01:49 PM
I enjoyed reading it, there is a few parts with are very good in my opinion like "Memories of a past that seems cruelly happy" and "The memories of warmth and joy. A familial bond seemingly untouchable. Broken, shattered, flushed away" they are very strong expressions and especially the "past that's cruelly happy" part is a very interesting way to describe what your feeling. And then there is some things i don't understand, like "objects in the mirror are farther than they appear" maybe that's just me but i can't figure out what this is metaphor means, or "A blindness of the future" which i think i maybe know what means but don't understand the way it's written, does it mean that the future is completely uncertain? Distaste of the present is very clear. I agree on many of Qdeathstars points, but i feel like the chain part is fine (just personal opinion) but it could be "i feel like being trapped in chains, the wieght so unforgiving" and it could jump straight to that straight after "Broken, shattered, flushed away". I do disagree with Qdeathstar that the "cruelly happy" parts needs anything more to work. You can experiment with it if you want, but save the original.