Drifting Away

[QDeathstar]

Drifting

So many disparate pieces
Once a part of a beautiful puzzle you don't need two a's here, they seem to hurt the rhythm
Floating further and further away this kind of repetition is boring, can you be more further than further?
Each in their own tormented orbits what are they orbiting?
Memories of a past that seems cruelly happy maybe describe the memories and show how they are "cruelly happy" rather than telling us in dull language
Drifting further away
Objects in mirror are farther than they appear wait. Are we in a car or in space? Do cars have orbits?
Nurturing new bonds is my medication
Without these, life would be meaningless
And yet, the pain still lingers
The memories of warmth and joy
A familial bond seemingly untouchable
Broken, shattered, flushed away
Never to return, never to breathe again ok, we get it, your beating a dead horse
Drifting further away i guess this is a refrain, but you've used away twice in three lines. I would edit the prior line
Feelings of being trapped in chains. cliche, and your beating a dead horse. Say what you need to say, make your peace, and move on. Its like you are slowing ripping my eyes out.
The weight is unforgiving
What once seemed so clear has rendered itself hazy
A blindness of the future, a distaste of the present
Like a useless compass, whizzing around in circles
Never to land on one direction
Always searching for the true answer
A cosmic exploration of life's meanings, pains, and more. and more is just wasting space...explain or leave it out.
Forever drifting, further and further away

Im by no means a mediocre poet, but i feel that this poem is missing some of the basics, which i learned only once offering my own poetry up for review.


Grammar is important, and while you managed commas and ellipses, every line doesn't need to be capitalized and the poem as a whole could use a re-edit. I would also think about why you decided to make the poem centered. If you did it to make it look like a poem, i'd suggest moving back to left align so it is easier to read.

Other than that, welcome to the site (i'm new myself) and i was glad to be able to read your poetry.