05-29-2014, 11:38 PM
I love this. Very emotionally close. Especially love the sense of mom being this kind of airy, ephemeral substance.
A question: is the line "unnecessary but still fully necessary"...necessary? It doesn't seem to belong, and since it is neither necessary nor unnecessary, maybe don't include it at all. I am not even sure what it's referring to.
I'm not sure I understand the part about being torn from a crib. Seems like this might be referencing something concrete, but it isn't really clear, and is weird imagery.
And finally, what is 'whittled sunshine'?
With that said, though, I really like this.
A question: is the line "unnecessary but still fully necessary"...necessary? It doesn't seem to belong, and since it is neither necessary nor unnecessary, maybe don't include it at all. I am not even sure what it's referring to.
I'm not sure I understand the part about being torn from a crib. Seems like this might be referencing something concrete, but it isn't really clear, and is weird imagery.
And finally, what is 'whittled sunshine'?
With that said, though, I really like this.