The Hour of the Wolf

[tectak]

The Hour of the Wolf (edit 2)

Fog engulfs the lonely shack, A lonely shack. "the" is too definitive, too soon. This is a sentence so end it with a period
inside, a trembling man in black Capital letter to start.
kneels sobbing, at a cold steel cross No comma but end with a semicolon
repenting, of a Kingdom lost. repenting FOR
He's brought his baggage of despair, I do not know what this means but if you do then tell me in the poem
dressed to kill, in a suit of hair. Though suit of hair makes you sound like a rhyme whore I must say you have made your own bed with this rhyme scheme...or as we are talking wolf here, how DID you miss "lair"?
This wolf has supernatural flair,
to tear the baggage of despair,
now free, invades the musty air. You tenaciously pursue gobbledygook and I am not going to suggest any alternative here because a) It's not my job and b) I have no idea what you are trying to say

The man begins to pace, Sublimely ridiculous line break.Why do it? I can see, though, that we are in for a plethora of paces and that is more troublesome. The man through fear begins to pace. Your poem
and pace,
his heartbeat is a loosing race. His heartbeat CANNOT be a race! His heartbeat pounds in loosing race....or something
His stomach bleeds acidic gall Absolutely not. Gall is an alkali...you are outside your comfort zone now
exploding onto floor and wall,
his head spins and races
to memories and faces,
as he paces
and paces Just dreadful, loretta. You are much better than this. Races races faces paces paces race pace. Start again with this stanza or give yourself a fighting chance and drop this crippling rhyme scheme. You have almost given up anyway.
on the shadows
of the vomit stained floor.

He suffers from the tearing claws
the pain of unrelenting jaws,
of the wolf who awaits,
for a fearful weeping place,
now sucks his living breath,
his will: Pure gobbledygook achieved. Grammar unremittingly dire, esoteric phrases (for a fearful weeping place? Huh?) Why the capital after the colon? Read this stanza out loud and if you think it makes easy reading can I recommend Professor Stanley Unwin to you.
The hour of the wolf,
is meant to kill. How can an hour kill? I am going to go away and take a five minute accident.

The clock on the wall, it
ticks,
ticks
ticks
approaching dawn. Though over-contrived I can read drama in to this on a good day. It is not new, it is not even uncommon, but I can join with your thinking here...except that clocks don't approach dawn unless travelling east. Again, not precise enough. Just calm down and think what you are writing...or tell me to piss 'orf pedantic pratt
Unknowing of the violent storm AAARRRGGGHHHH! COMMA!
a ray of light intrudes
to shine upon, AAAARRRGGGHHHH! NO COMMA!
a battered shell of man Now you can be definitive....we KNOW it is THE man..not just ANY man. We have been introduced. The battered shell of the man.
sprawled across a chair: No.Period. I may have said this before but you do not put a capital letter after a colon, semicolon or comma.
The hour of the wolf
the depth of living hell
and our despair. Triumphant end. In keeping. A sentence. Read it. The hour of the wolf the depth of living hell and our despair. Oh how true.[b]

[b]Harsh? Maybe....but I think you are worth it.
Best,
tectak


The Hour of the Wolf (edit 1)

Dense fog,
engulfs the lonely shack.
A man in black repents his loss
sobbing at a cold steel cross.
The suitcase he brings,
full only with despairing things.
Despair dressed in a suit of hair,
the wolf needs no human flair
to tear the suitcase of despair,
now free to fill the musty air.
His stomach bleeds acidic gall
exploding on the floor and walls.
His head spins and races,
to memories and faces,
as he paces
and paces,
among the shadows
of the blood red vomit stained floor.
He suffers from the tearing claws,
the clenching unrelenting jaws
of the wolf who crouches,
in uninvited places;
to occupy once clean spaces
now sucks his living breath,
the life of him, his will:
This hour of the wolf
is meant to kill.

The clock on the wall, it
ticks
ticks
ticks
approaching dawn.
END?( I have been encouraged to end on the repetitive theme, therefore setting the last scene?)
Unknowing of the violent storm,
a ray of light intrudes
to shine upon,
a battered shell of man
sprawled across a chair.
The hour of the wolf;
the depth and living hell,
and our despair.


The Hour of the Wolf (original version)

Deadly quiet
at the lonesome shack.
The darkest hours from which
there's no way back.
Deep in the woods
the suitcase he brings,
full only with despairing things;
no rest for him,
even in,
this quiet lonely place.
There is no exit from
no place to run,
despair dressed in a suit of hair,
the wolf crouches in his lair,
razor sharp, his tearing claws
and dripping clenching
unrelenting jaws,
the wolf it needs no human flair
the tear the suitcase of despair
let free engulfs the musty air
lSurreal voices pierce his ears,
to fuel the fires of his fears,
his stomach bleeds acidic gall
exploding on the floor and wall;
his head begins to spin and race,
to dreaded memories and faces,
as he paces,
and paces,
among the shadows
on the blood red vomit stained floor
the hour of the wolf has come
again to him,
who in such lonely places
cannot win, nor
erase the wicked claws
the biting faces,
of the wolf who crouches
in uninvited places,
to occupy once clean spaces,
now sucks his living breath
the life of him, his will:
this hour of the wolf is meant to kill,
the clock up on the wall, it
ticks,
ticks,
ticks
approaching dawn
unknowing of the violent storm
a ray of light intrudes
to shine upon
a battered shell of man
sprawled across a chair.
The hour of the wolf,
the depth and living hell
of our despair.

---

Hi tectak: gall: something bitter or severe. Quite. NOT acidicThe man brings in his internal baggage of despair, which is the wolf within. Loretta Then say so in the poem by showing not telling