The Hour of the Wolf

[LorettaYoung]

My suggestions don't matter very much. I just thought you could take your time with it, even if it's burning to come out, and get to the heart of the poem, whatever that means. All I know is that a few of the lines and the shape of the poem create a tone and an atmosphere for me.


You're telling the story best here:

his stomach bleeds acidic waste
erupting forth on floor and walls.
His head begins to spin and race,
to dreaded memories and faces;
as he paces,
and paces, among the shadows
of the blood red vomit stained floor.


You're forceful there, tearing through the story.


But with:

at this last stop,
he just can't win

and other lines like that, it feels like you're backtracking or running in place.

---

Rowens: your suggestions have been very helpful; I agree with all the critiques; but still, like the original best; but can't see how to fix it conforming to the criticisms. I am editing over and over on Edit l looking for direction. Thanks really rowens, Loretta

---

My suggestions don't matter very much. I just thought you could take your time with it, even if it's burning to come out, and get to the heart of the poem, whatever that means. All I know is that a few of the lines and the shape of the poem create a tone and an atmosphere for me.


You're telling the story best here:

his stomach bleeds acidic waste
erupting forth on floor and walls.
His head begins to spin and race,
to dreaded memories and faces;
as he paces,
and paces, among the shadows
of the blood red vomit stained floor.


You're forceful there, tearing through the story.


But with:

at this last stop,
he just can't win

and other lines like that, it feels like you're backtracking or running in place.

---

Rowens: your suggestions have been very helpful; I agree with all the critiques; but still, like the original best; but can't see how to fix it conforming to the criticisms. I am editing over and over on Edit l looking for direction. Thanks really rowens, Loretta

---

Hi, hope I'm not a pain; I was realizing that those similar words, "alone, no where to go", etc. was an attempt to give the poor guy some definition. We could just say "At the end of his rope", but what does that give; why is the guy at the mercy of the wolf; I have to give some feeling for his reasons for desperation, I think, that's the poor attempts of he's lonely, has no where to go, etc, however could be said in a better way i presume? Thanks, Loretta