The Hour of the Wolf

[Todd]

Hi Loretta, I like where you're going with this. Here are some comments for you.

The Hour of the Wolf

Deadly quiet,--Not a strong opening line. Might be better with line two maybe, "in the lonesome shack
at the lonesome shack;
the darkest hours from which--Not fond of this line since the title already brings me here. So hours is a cut for me. Darkest can be shown in the imagery better
there's no way back.--I think you could also cut this, though I'm a minimalist so if this is more than you want disregard.
Deep in the woods
the suitcase he brings,--I like the introduction of the suitcase
full only with despairing things.--It could just be me but I might want "with only" Nice idea this
No rest for him, even in--too close to "no rest for the wicked"
this quiet lonely place;--shack already does lonely this is unnecessary.
there is no exit from,
no place to run.

The suitcase is an interesting idea. The rest should just set mood quickly. There's a lot in the beginning that feels unnecessary to me

Despair dressed in a suit of hair,--Like this. It also makes me think of self-flagellating monks punishing themselves for sin.
the wolf it crouches in his lair.--Not sure you need this line
With razor sharp, his tearing claws,
and dripping, unrelenting jaws.--like this. It feels like a grimms fairy tale
The wolf it needs no human flair
to tear the suitcase of despair,
and clouds of screaming woes--Like something a little stronger than this. I can accept the suitcase but I'd like more specificity than clouds of screaming woes
let free, disburse to fill the musty air.
Surreal voices pierce his ears
to fuel the fires of his fears;
his stomach bleeds acidic waste
erupting forth on floor and walls.--This break in rhyme was jarring
His head begins to spin and race,
to dreaded memories and faces;
as he paces,
and paces, among the shadows--the repetition of paces is nice. It does what the word suggests
of the blood red vomit stained floor.

The hour of the wolf has come,
again to him,
who in such lonely places,
cannot win, nor
erase the wicked claws,
the biting faces
of the wolf who crouches
in uninvited places,--so far I'm not liking this strophe. This line however is something new and a nice bit of content
to occupy once clean spaces:
now sucks his living breath
the life of him, his will
this hour of the wolf
is meant to kill.--this two lines are also good

The tired clock upon the wall, it
ticks
ticks
ticks--like the earlier paces this is a nice touch
approaching dawn.--I'd consider ending the poem here
Unknowing of the violent storm
a ray of light intrudes
to shine upon,
a battered shell of man
sprawled across a chair.
The hour of the wolf;
the depth and living hell,
and our despair.

I know that was a lot. I do like the poem. It just feels like less would be more here.

Hope some of that helps.

Best,

Todd