05-16-2014, 05:34 PM
Hi 71degrees
I think Dale covered a lot of the editing and interpretations of a new reader very well, so I echo a lot of his critiques, but have a few more suggestions for you. I personally like the title 'Abstruse'. I see where Dale is coming from, but I interpret the title more as something that is describing the author's perception of the main character in this poem, i.e. Mother was difficult to understand. Moving on, the semicolon on L2 could probably be replaced with a period for a more demanding intro to the poem. As with Dale, I don't understand the phrase 'blind cry' either, but I may sort of see what you were getting at. Perhaps you could use 'deafened cry' instead? Lastly, I really like the last lines:
"she dreamed her children’s faces
stared down at her from great heights."
For me, I understand this to mean that the mother felt the children were distant from her or 'looked down' on her.
Wow, really this poem is already amazing! Love it, write more!
-UnclePedro
I think Dale covered a lot of the editing and interpretations of a new reader very well, so I echo a lot of his critiques, but have a few more suggestions for you. I personally like the title 'Abstruse'. I see where Dale is coming from, but I interpret the title more as something that is describing the author's perception of the main character in this poem, i.e. Mother was difficult to understand. Moving on, the semicolon on L2 could probably be replaced with a period for a more demanding intro to the poem. As with Dale, I don't understand the phrase 'blind cry' either, but I may sort of see what you were getting at. Perhaps you could use 'deafened cry' instead? Lastly, I really like the last lines:
"she dreamed her children’s faces
stared down at her from great heights."
For me, I understand this to mean that the mother felt the children were distant from her or 'looked down' on her.
Wow, really this poem is already amazing! Love it, write more!
-UnclePedro