05-14-2014, 09:11 AM
ZiM,
It seems as I recall, although I could be incorrect,that Odysseus escaped Polyphemus' cave tied to the bottom of a sheep, not a goat. I am assuming these lines are an allusion to that:
"riding the underbelly is always safest when fleeing the cave guarded
by the blind cyclops.
Nobody.Why? Nobody?"
I notice the use of the direct article "the" in conjunction with "blind cyclops", leading one to assume that this is the one and only "blind cyclops? Odysseus tells Polyphemus his name is "no one". "Nobody" was the name of the anti-hero in a spaghetti western starring Henry Fonda who is supposedly killed by a man named "Nobody", so that it read on his grave, "Nobody was faster". The name of the movie was, "My Name is Nobody". Of course the use of nobody in the "Percy Jackson" series may have also influenced the choice. So maybe some confusion of allusion there. Although I don't recall any goat riding in either of the movies, or the book. So, no goat riding it seems. where does this leave the title? As in the movie, I guess Nobody rides the goat. Bang!
The lack of correct punctuation hurts this poem from the start. The first three lines are meant to be read as sentences, are they not?
Masses mostly mild.
Man made mediocre.
Money maintains monarchy.
I am almost certain you meant the reader to see these as separate thoughts, although they are of course not independent sentences, neither do they form one when clumped together. Possibly a bullet list?
· masses mostly mild
· man made mediocre
· money maintains monarchy
The extreme use of alliteration is seriously, simply, silly. Someone said it seemed a farce, and I would agree, and further agree that this was not the intent. However, I think rant as political ideologue misses its mark as no one knows what the writer is talking about, partly due to poor punctuation, and partly to a simple lack of clarity.
This is more of a critique than I had intended, but fortune favors the fortunate, so there you go!
Best and welcome to the site, etc...
Dale
It seems as I recall, although I could be incorrect,that Odysseus escaped Polyphemus' cave tied to the bottom of a sheep, not a goat. I am assuming these lines are an allusion to that:
"riding the underbelly is always safest when fleeing the cave guarded
by the blind cyclops.
Nobody.Why? Nobody?"
I notice the use of the direct article "the" in conjunction with "blind cyclops", leading one to assume that this is the one and only "blind cyclops? Odysseus tells Polyphemus his name is "no one". "Nobody" was the name of the anti-hero in a spaghetti western starring Henry Fonda who is supposedly killed by a man named "Nobody", so that it read on his grave, "Nobody was faster". The name of the movie was, "My Name is Nobody". Of course the use of nobody in the "Percy Jackson" series may have also influenced the choice. So maybe some confusion of allusion there. Although I don't recall any goat riding in either of the movies, or the book. So, no goat riding it seems. where does this leave the title? As in the movie, I guess Nobody rides the goat. Bang!
The lack of correct punctuation hurts this poem from the start. The first three lines are meant to be read as sentences, are they not?
Masses mostly mild.
Man made mediocre.
Money maintains monarchy.
I am almost certain you meant the reader to see these as separate thoughts, although they are of course not independent sentences, neither do they form one when clumped together. Possibly a bullet list?
· masses mostly mild
· man made mediocre
· money maintains monarchy
The extreme use of alliteration is seriously, simply, silly. Someone said it seemed a farce, and I would agree, and further agree that this was not the intent. However, I think rant as political ideologue misses its mark as no one knows what the writer is talking about, partly due to poor punctuation, and partly to a simple lack of clarity.
This is more of a critique than I had intended, but fortune favors the fortunate, so there you go!
Best and welcome to the site, etc...
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.