05-10-2014, 07:56 PM
(05-10-2014, 05:45 PM)zmeansy Wrote: ----------------------------------------------------------------------About the only sense I got from this was the reference to the greek myth, where the heroes escape the cyclops' cave by hiding under the sheep's bellies, but I fail to see what that has to do with the rest of the poem, which seems to be an anti-society/freemasonry disjointed rant.
Masses mostly mild
man made medicore (mediocre?)
money maintains monarchy.
mysteries: mad-Masonry? (mysteries, mind, meek needs capital)
mind meshed mathematics?
meek made mighty?
Secrets shared (punctuation?)
stories saved
simple solution.
Free from fetter -
follows ‘Founding Fathers’.
freedom’s finite failure
feeds fickle fear.
American always able.
REFORM
RIGHTS
RECOMPENSE (why all caps?)
riding the underbelly is always safest when fleeing the cave guarded by the blind cyclops. (this long line looks out of place)
Nobody.Why? Nobody?
-ZM
Looks like you've overdosed yourself with Gerald Manley Hopkins, to be writing every word alliteratively. Too much alliteration sounds ridiculous, and you end up using unsatisfactory words just for the sound of them, losing both the reader and the point you're trying to make in the poem. Just enough, and it adds a certain charm and beauty to the lines. If you like alliteration, I would suggest Hopkins as a good read, but even some of his are overdone IMHO.
Welcome to the forum, Marianne