05-10-2014, 06:36 PM
You can't have a serious poem with that much alliteration, this reads like a farce. It is also very very vague.
"
riding the underbelly is always safest when fleeing the cave guarded by the blind cyclops."
Say that aloud. Is this something you would want to hear in a rousing political speech? Is it really neccessary for the character to be a cyclops when its defining feature is useless and blind?
this line is tasteless dreck. No idea what you are going on about aside from some incredibly vague social commentary.
Especially when you talk about a cyclops, I feel like there is a joke that I am not in on.
"
riding the underbelly is always safest when fleeing the cave guarded by the blind cyclops."
Say that aloud. Is this something you would want to hear in a rousing political speech? Is it really neccessary for the character to be a cyclops when its defining feature is useless and blind?
this line is tasteless dreck. No idea what you are going on about aside from some incredibly vague social commentary.
Especially when you talk about a cyclops, I feel like there is a joke that I am not in on.