The Perfect Sonnet

[abu nuwas]

[quote='Leanne' pid='83489' dateline='1320788340']
Thy blessed tongue, it trippeth o’er the phrase --- This heavy use of Early Modern English makes the poem seem ironic

I should hope it does :p

---

Sorry but if you think the construction is very good, I think I might have failed.

Nolo te deridere necque carmen tuum deridere nolo
sed deridere humanum est, vel humanum est deridere.

It is a fine poem, on the whole, but I fear it might be taken the wrong way, almost as if the Writer were lampooning someone or indeed a whole style, which I know is not so. I personally feel that the 'flow' would be much improved, and the meaning intensified, if the sonnet were cut down to six lines. Just a suggestion, of course. Oh, and the switch back and forth between 'thou' and 'you' should be kept, but with the 'you' being 'thou' and the 'thou' being 'you'.