Thy blessed tongue, it trippeth o’er the phrase
that speaks too plain its mind in forward word,
and doth not twist in convoluted ways
about non sequiturs, a mocking bird.
Thine artist’s heart, it sings old songs of love;
you utter speech not heard since Shakespeare’s day,
and here, you know no better fit than dove,
and thank the stars that poets still say gay.
O! Love enduring, why should you be changed?
Why taint your breast with vulgar words and new?
Why sentence make one normally arranged
when thou must elder apricots on blue?
I prithee, let me rest within your tree
and dream of simple poets, just like me.

Why has no one responded to your perfect sonnet? Since I am a rank amateur in regard to sonnets any response I might make will be as much use as .....look out, here comes a cliche....a chocolate fireguard.

iambic pentameter lines - tick
abab cdcd efef gg - Shakespearean - tick
14 lines - tick
three quatrains, and a final rhyming couplet - tick

.....not sure of that volta thingy this looks as if there is a turn beginning O! Love enduring, why should you be changed? - so - tick

so, it looks like a Perfect Sonnet to me.

Now I want a chocolate fireguard

I'm not at all bothered by lack of comments though, in the "for fun" section I'm happy that people read. Of course I'm doubly happy when people read AND say something in return!

And yep, I'd place the volta at that line also -- now I need to clear off, I seem to have acquired a whole bunch of ticks.

Funny!

I just remembered this poem I wrote psychically in anticipation of our inversion invader. I mean, it's best to use one's own poems to illustrate a point, right?

(11-09-2011, 06:39 AM)Leanne Wrote:  Thy blessed tongue, it trippeth o’er the phrase --- This heavy use of Early Modern English makes the poem seem ironic
that speaks too plain its mind in forward word,
and doth not twist in convoluted ways
about non sequiturs, a mocking bird.
Thine artist’s heart, it sings old songs of love;
you utter speech not heard since Shakespeare’s day,
and here, you know no better fit than dove,
and thank the stars that poets still say gay. -- Of course, this may relate to queer theory or something given the interest in Shakespeare's sexuality.
O! Love enduring, why should you be changed?
Why taint your breast with vulgar words and new?
Why sentence make one normally arranged
when thou must elder apricots on blue?
I prithee, let me rest within your tree
and dream of simple poets, just like me.

This is a great poem, and I'm not being a sycophant. The construction is very good and there is an adequate supply of depth to encourage a discussion. I think it would be interesting if you removed the Early Modern English from the second part of the poem, but as far as love in Shakespeare's day I think the various social moors and conventions made it even more complicated during his days. There's my two cents for whatever they are worth.

(05-10-2014, 06:07 AM)Brownlie Wrote:  [quote='Leanne' pid='83489' dateline='1320788340']
Thy blessed tongue, it trippeth o’er the phrase --- This heavy use of Early Modern English makes the poem seem ironic

I should hope it does :p

---

Sorry but if you think the construction is very good, I think I might have failed.

(05-10-2014, 06:14 AM)Leanne Wrote:  

(05-10-2014, 06:07 AM)Brownlie Wrote:  [quote='Leanne' pid='83489' dateline='1320788340']
Thy blessed tongue, it trippeth o’er the phrase --- This heavy use of Early Modern English makes the poem seem ironic

I should hope it does :p

---

Sorry but if you think the construction is very good, I think I might have failed.

There's a chance I've missed the point, but the poem seems to consciously portray the irony and the meter is metrically sound aside from the archaic language that seems intended to be ironic. However, it seems like you need an apostrophe over that ed in the beginning to make it more clear. Now, I've either stated what has already been implicitly expressed or I've further veered on my own disconnected tangent.

Maybe Americans say it differently to the rest of the world, but as an adjective that's always pronounced "bless-ed" where I'm from.

(05-10-2014, 06:14 AM)Leanne Wrote:  

(05-10-2014, 06:07 AM)Brownlie Wrote:  [quote='Leanne' pid='83489' dateline='1320788340']
Thy blessed tongue, it trippeth o’er the phrase --- This heavy use of Early Modern English makes the poem seem ironic

I should hope it does :p

---

Sorry but if you think the construction is very good, I think I might have failed.

Nolo te deridere necque carmen tuum deridere nolo
sed deridere humanum est, vel humanum est deridere.

It is a fine poem, on the whole, but I fear it might be taken the wrong way, almost as if the Writer were lampooning someone or indeed a whole style, which I know is not so. I personally feel that the 'flow' would be much improved, and the meaning intensified, if the sonnet were cut down to six lines. Just a suggestion, of course. Oh, and the switch back and forth between 'thou' and 'you' should be kept, but with the 'you' being 'thou' and the 'thou' being 'you'.

Lasciva est nobis pagina, vita proba

Know not I of what you speak
'tis but perfection's own technique

(05-10-2014, 06:37 AM)Leanne Wrote:  Maybe Americans say it differently to the rest of the world, but as an adjective that's always pronounced "bless-ed" where I'm from.

Generally in America it's pronounced as a single syllable, although I have heard it pronounced as two. The usage is different for each.

It is a bless-ed day (in present tense), but also as a diphthong "Baa_lessed".

He was blessed (as past tense to bless).

________________________________________________________________

I'm glad someone, I guess Brownlie, brought this back to the top. It is just so apropos, all things considered. I need comment no further, Abu did the job for me

A nice sarcaustic poem.


dale the benevolent

sadly, I was promoting myself... it seemed apropos indeed

(05-10-2014, 06:48 AM)Leanne Wrote:  Lasciva est nobis pagina, vita proba

Know not I of what you speak
'tis but perfection's own technique

Ah, the Pagina Monologues!

O fortissime, gladium vagina

(05-10-2014, 07:48 AM)Leanne Wrote:  O fortissime, gladium vagina

Well, I suppose that's better than some sort of prophetic Adamic namer promoting you.

(05-10-2014, 07:48 AM)Leanne Wrote:  O fortissime, gladium vagina

'Gladius' could be, at a stretch, or ad gladium, rather horridly


Vale. I have an appointment with a dull opiate, and am going Lethewards.

Oh dear, you mean someone's forcing you to read Maya Angelou?

Vale indeed.

forgetting i know you (can't believe i never read this before) i'd get the impression that the poet has some if not a lot of knowledge where poetry is concerned. prithee is a lovely word. i would read this poem in either or in both of two ways, a rant or a period piece. so it's a period piece rant/parody; and a very well done one.

(11-09-2011, 06:39 AM)Leanne Wrote:  Thy blessed tongue, it trippeth o’er the phrase
that speaks too plain its mind in forward word,
and doth not twist in convoluted ways
about non sequiturs, a mocking bird.
Thine artist’s heart, it sings old songs of love;
you utter speech not heard since Shakespeare’s day,
and here, you know no better fit than dove,
and thank the stars that poets still say gay.
O! Love enduring, why should you be changed?
Why taint your breast with vulgar words and new?
Why sentence make one normally arranged
when thou must elder apricots on blue?
I prithee, let me rest within your tree
and dream of simple poets, just like me.

I've poured a drink, so let me say
while I still claim sobriety:
let trolls evolve, become the bridge
and let's get on with poetry