Under the Porch Light

[Caleb Murdock]

Personally, I don't see any reason to hide your meaning. Poetry is not about taking something that is obvious and making it obscure, besides the idea of two becoming one is at least as old as Genesis. It would also be "you and I", not "you and me".

I didn't say anything earlier as you had not asked, but I would just drop the last stanza and end on

"Walk with me to the porch; let us sit
And be content, as old folks often are;
One old hand wrapped tightly in another,
And the porch light just another star."

I think it might take some of what you are referring to as the macabre, as there is no talk about and end, although I think it is implied.

Dale

Thanks for your additional thoughts.

If I say "you and I", then I would have to say "you and I and we". Since that phrase is offset by dashes, does it matter if I use the subjective or the objective? However, I've decided not to make that change.

Dropping the last stanza is too drastic for me, as I feel that the poem doesn't come to a proper end. I'll have to tinker with the language. If I've romanticized old people, maybe it isn't such a bad thing. I've read lots of very good poetry which, in my opinion, expressed somewhat immature or unrealistic attitudes.

Thanks again!