05-02-2014, 05:18 AM
Personally, I don't see any reason to hide your meaning. Poetry is not about taking something that is obvious and making it obscure, besides the idea of two becoming one is at least as old as Genesis. It would also be "you and I", not "you and me".
I didn't say anything earlier as you had not asked, but I would just drop the last stanza and end on
"Walk with me to the porch; let us sit
And be content, as old folks often are;
One old hand wrapped tightly in another,
And the porch light just another star."
I think it might take out some of what you are referring to as the macabre, as there is no talk about and end, although I think it is implied.
Dale
I didn't say anything earlier as you had not asked, but I would just drop the last stanza and end on
"Walk with me to the porch; let us sit
And be content, as old folks often are;
One old hand wrapped tightly in another,
And the porch light just another star."
I think it might take out some of what you are referring to as the macabre, as there is no talk about and end, although I think it is implied.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.