05-02-2014, 03:15 AM
Caleb,
- The third line used to say, "Yet many a woman and most of men". I liked it, but most readers thought I was trying to flesh out the meter (I wasn't), so I removed "of". Does it sound good the way it stands now?
- Does the "outrageous/gorgeous" rhyme sound too strained or comical?
- Do you understand the "one and one and two" line?
I have other things to say about the poem, but I'll wait for some feedback first. One more thing: I wasn't trying to write a metrically perfect poem, so considerations about the meter aren't very important to me.
it is clear to me now that I was romanticizing old age.
Dale
- The third line used to say, "Yet many a woman and most of men". I liked it, but most readers thought I was trying to flesh out the meter (I wasn't), so I removed "of". Does it sound good the way it stands now?
- Does the "outrageous/gorgeous" rhyme sound too strained or comical?
- Do you understand the "one and one and two" line?
I have other things to say about the poem, but I'll wait for some feedback first. One more thing: I wasn't trying to write a metrically perfect poem, so considerations about the meter aren't very important to me.
it is clear to me now that I was romanticizing old age.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.