05-01-2014, 11:14 PM
(04-26-2014, 08:53 AM)ralex003 Wrote: Here's a poem I wrote about smelling books, because I like smelling books. They smell so good.I really like this poem a lot, you really have managed to capture some excellent sensory details which for me are the essence of this poem. I also like the way that you allude to the "scent" as if it were a drug. I really look forward to reading this again after you have edited it. Thanks for the read.
Smelling Books
Standing in the isle of a book store, sheltered between shelves,--- isle or aisle? "Standing" seems redundant, you could turn the whole line round so it would read "sheltered between shelves in the aisle of a book store"
I slide a slick covered novel from its nesting place cozy among the others.---second part of sentence seems redundant, could end after "nesting place"
Smoothly, it slips into my palms.
I cradle it like a lost treasure in a dragon’s lair.--- "dragon's lair" seems out of place with the rest of the poem, could end it after "treasure" and it doesn't lose anything
Slinking out of the prying eyes of passersby, I stroke the shiny cover--- I like the use of "slinking" here
feeling the raised type of its title beneath my finger tips.--- excellent detail here, "fingertips" should be one word
Slowly, gently, I open the book to its middle and eye the crease
where the pages join in the binding.
Peering in, I hesitate. Not yet, I tell myself.
Savor the flavor. --- this doesn't work well in the sense that it's a smell as opposed to a taste
My thumbs run along the edge of the pages
and flick through them, creating book-scented wind.--- "book-scented wind reads a bit awkward, although I'm lost for any alternative suggestion at the moment
That’s it, I tell myself, practically drooling
all over the unsullied pages.--- "unsullied" is a good word choice along with "slinking" it gives the overall feeling that the "scent" is like a drug to you
It’s time.
Forcing the book open to that middle once again,--- is "Forcing" necessary here, some kind of gentler action would work better I think
I dive into its dark crevice, inhaling deeply.--- I like this line, it adds a slight sexual element to the whole process
The earthy, musty scent washes over my body.--- not sure about a scent that "washes over" especially in context with the next line, for it sounds like the reason for the "goose flesh" is because of the scent washing over your body whereas it's really because of a scent interacting with receptors in your brain
Goose flesh raises the hairs on my arms.--- This line is good detail
Getting my fix of book scent, my knees tremble, --- I like the use of "fix" in this line
a light, floating feeling fills my brain as I leave the ground,
leaving everyone else behind me.--- not sure about this line, firstly because of the repetition of leave/leaving from previous line... Also it's sort of cliche in some respects, at a stretch. Considering the previous line with "leave the ground" you could say something like "leaving everyone else below me"
Mark
