Under the Porch Light

[Caleb Murdock]

Caleb, Youth is wasted on the young. There is fine sentiment and devotion expressed herein.

-I think any of your choices for line 3 could work. I may have said, ‘yet many of women and most men’ just to pair the plurals.

-I never think strict rhymes are any better than slant ones. outrageous/gorgeous works. What comes more naturally to me is outrageous and ageless, providing more of a double rhyme. However, that would change the meaning of that line.

-I can’t do the math that you ask for on that line. You have 3 = 1 + 1 + 2. I did not get past the 3, when there are two of you, unless the porch light counts. Perhaps in another read or two.

Thanks for sharing your work./Chris

Your comments give me hope that maybe this is a good poem after all.

"One and one and two" means each one separately, and then together (two) they form a third person, as if together they are more than just the two individuals that they are.

I might as well reveal what I think is the greatest flaw. I wrote this poem in my late 40's, and it is clear to me now that I was romanticizing old age. There is actually something macabre about the poem: What old folks would go to the porch, clutching each other's hands, and pull a shawl to their necks while they wait for death to overtake them? Only the most pathetic old folks! I am in my 60's, and it is clear to me now that most old people just live their lives as fully as they can until illness and death overtake them.

However, I hope I'm wrong because I think the poem has nice, musical language; I don't want this poem to be a throw-away because the meaning is unrealistic. Maybe if I do an intensive search, I'll find some old folks who feel the way I romanticized them in my 40's.