05-01-2014, 04:15 AM
Caleb, Youth is wasted on the young. There is fine sentiment and devotion expressed herein.
-I think any of your choices for line 3 could work. I may have said, ‘yet many of women and most men’ just to pair the plurals.
-I never think strict rhymes are any better than slant ones. outrageous/gorgeous works. What comes more naturally to me is outrageous and ageless, providing more of a double rhyme. However, that would change the meaning of that line.
-I can’t do the math that you ask for on that line. You have 3 = 1 + 1 + 2. I did not get past the 3, when there are two of you, unless the porch light counts. Perhaps in another read or two.
Thanks for sharing your work./Chris
-I think any of your choices for line 3 could work. I may have said, ‘yet many of women and most men’ just to pair the plurals.
-I never think strict rhymes are any better than slant ones. outrageous/gorgeous works. What comes more naturally to me is outrageous and ageless, providing more of a double rhyme. However, that would change the meaning of that line.
-I can’t do the math that you ask for on that line. You have 3 = 1 + 1 + 2. I did not get past the 3, when there are two of you, unless the porch light counts. Perhaps in another read or two.
Thanks for sharing your work./Chris
My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris