In the Night

[Gestalt222]

I like the darkness
It falls over me
Like a warm cloud
Seemingly unaware of its mystery This line feels unnecessary... The idea of the darkness here is intriguing, but it's never explored in the poem, it seems
It trespasses upon others,
But enlivens me.
The darkness refuses to speak,Or perhaps this is the former line's exploration? In which case, I suggest making the exploration of the thought of darkness's mute obliviousness more thorough.
But insists on enveloping me.
I kick, I scream, I laugh, I cry,
And am renewed by the night.The ideas presented in this stanza, which seem to be the night's attitude to the speaker and the speaker's attitude from within the night, feel rather underdeveloped. I suggest adding more to it.

I like the darkness
For I am alone in my thoughts
And the night is my canvas
With endless possibilities. This line could be a bit more vivid, a bit more poetic. A "canvas with endless possibilities" feels cliched.
Every night the stars may sparkle,
And the stars may fade,
The moon may shine
And the moon may wane
But the night remains,
A portal to the universe.The lines "Every night..." until "...to the universe." seem to develop a different, and rather detached, idea from the rest of the poem. At first the speaker seems to be talking about his personal relationship with the night, then suddenly he moves on to this general idea without any sort of soft transition or hint of foreshadowing. Considering the lack of development for the ideas presented in the earlier stanza, if the length of the poem is to be kept as-is, I suggest omitting this whole part and focusing on the earlier ideas.

This critique being, essentially, a more specific echo of BesideFungus's statement:
"I feel that there was the seed of some very interesting choices, but didn't feel that those ideas were firmly rooted and expanded upon."

You have some great ideas and I will see if I can expand on the first concept. I wrote this poem while falling (or trying to at least) asleep, so perhaps I can illustrate more of my thoughts while awake.