04-29-2014, 08:27 PM
Whoops, I must have replied to someone else's thread comment instead of your poem's and I was deleted (my apologies to them).
What I first said was: to always post the revision above the original. I saw counter advice and noticed a second post, but there is no need or utility in it. Sometimes our knee-jerk reactions to critiques bastardizes the poem and we need to see the progression to edit properly. This applies to both the reader and the poet.
As for the poem itself, it is quite the protocol for chopping an onion and a Food-Network worthy effort. However, in slicing into the pulp, releasing the sulfuric acid and other aromatics, thereby exposing those layers, there was a missed opportunity to reveal the strata of the man behind the knife or at least the narrator of the poem. You could still do it. See what you think. Cheers/Chris
What I first said was: to always post the revision above the original. I saw counter advice and noticed a second post, but there is no need or utility in it. Sometimes our knee-jerk reactions to critiques bastardizes the poem and we need to see the progression to edit properly. This applies to both the reader and the poet.
As for the poem itself, it is quite the protocol for chopping an onion and a Food-Network worthy effort. However, in slicing into the pulp, releasing the sulfuric acid and other aromatics, thereby exposing those layers, there was a missed opportunity to reveal the strata of the man behind the knife or at least the narrator of the poem. You could still do it. See what you think. Cheers/Chris
My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris