In the Night

[Gestalt222]

*In The Night
I like the darkness
It falls over me
Like a warm cloud (warm cloud feels a bit off here)
Seemingly unaware of its mystery
It trespasses upon others, (I like the use of trespass here)
But enlivens me. (the prior line uses trespass to evoke the sense that most people find darkness unwelcome so although enliven isn't the worst choice, I feel that this line might be more effective if reworked to incorporate the sense of welcome as a contrast)
The darkness refuses to speak,
But insists on enveloping me. (feel like swallow might be a better fit; also alludes back to the "speak" in prior line)
I kick, I scream, I laugh, I cry,
And am renewed by the night.

I like the darkness
For I am alone in my thoughts (feel a little cliche)
And the night is my canvas
With endless possibilities. (think a painting or artistic reference would fit better here)
Every night the stars may sparkle,
And the stars may fade, (would "or" be better than "and" here?)
The moon may shine
And the moon may wane
But the night remains,
A portal to the universe. (this final line could be more impactful and I think it should be a bit more personalized since it doesn't fit the personal theme of the piece til this point)

I tend to believe that poetry about night and darkness are a bit overdone so it's key that any writer who wishes to approach the subject bring something different to the table. Some of the choices in the piece don't effectively break from the cliches that have been recycled time and again when dealing with this subject matter.

I feel that there was the seed of some very interesting choices, but didn't feel that those ideas were firmly rooted and expanded upon.

Thank you for the great feedback. I like the idea of using swallowing instead of enveloping, that gives the poem stronger imagery. I'm also looking into expanding the "canvas" concept as well. I might look into expanding the concepts regarding "portal to the universe" to see if I like it better, but I kind of wanted the poem to end with that final idea because it encompasses the entire concept of the poem for me.